American - Comedian | December 29, 1959 -
There are really only so many foods and so many ways you can prepare them.
Paula Poundstone
YouPrepareOnlyManyFoodsReally
I have jokes I've told before and will tell again, but my favorite part of the night is talking to the crowd.
NightTalkingWillJokesTellCrowd
I did auditions at a club called the Comedy Connection. They wanted nothing to do with me. But one night they were doing a night of all women comics, and they invited me to do that.
WomenMeNightComedyDoingNothing
My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, 'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim.'
MomBoatSomeoneTryingYouLake
I was born in Alabama, but I only lived there for a month before I'd done everything there was to do.
BornDoneEverythingMonthAlabama
How do you come back? It's one step at a time. I'm optimistic because I don't know what else to be.
TimeStepYouBackKnowCome
I used to watch 'The Waltons' and sob because my family was nothing like that. We had a cruel sense of humor in my family.
FamilyHumorSense Of HumorNothing
I was the youngest in my family. When the other kids went to school, my mother would make them breakfast and then she would go back to bed for an hour, so I was sort of babysat by television.
FamilyMotherSchoolBreakfastBack
I have a very silly sense of humor. I've never laughed harder in my entire life than seeing someone with toilet paper stuck on the bottom of their shoe.
LifeHumorSomeoneSillySeeing
I only do two things in my life, and that's take care of my kids and work. Fortunately, these are my favorite things to do, so it works out.
LifeWorkCareTake CareMy Life
When we live up to our Constitution, let's form a Conga line around the Capitol and bungee jump off the dome.
LiveConstitutionJumpLineUpOff
I'm thankful for the three ounce Ziploc bag, so that I have somewhere to put my savings.
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