British - Comedian | July 9, 1957 -
My school days were the happiest days of my life; which should give you some indication of the misery I've endured over the past twenty-five years.
Paul Merton
LifePastSchoolMy LifeYouOver
The thing about improvisation is that it's not about what you say. It's listening to what other people say. It's about what you hear.
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Well, sanity, I suppose, is getting people to see the world your way.
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When I wake up on a Monday morning and I realise I don't have to go and work at the civil service, I really think I've won.
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When things are difficult, awful, stressful, the thing that always gets you through is a sense of humour. I don't mean - well, maybe I do - laugh at the hangman as he puts the noose around your neck. But an eye, an ear, for the ridiculous, the absurd in life, can get you through a lot.
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And like the old stereotype, I overcame my shyness by making my friends laugh.
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On my first day in New York a guy asked me if I knew where Central Park was. When I told him I didn't he said, 'Do you mind if I mug you here?'.
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When I turned about 12 or 13, I realised that being funny wasn't about remembering jokes. It was about creating them.
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Am I allowed to call myself working-class now? Because obviously I'm now very rich.
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Generally speaking, politicians are an odd bunch. They seem to have very thick skins and genuinely don't care what people think. And charm is a very important part of the politician's armoury. I try to resist that kind of charm.
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In a psychiatric hospital, a lot of people believe that people on TV are talking to them directly through the screen. I'm with about 500 of these people, and I'm on TV every Friday night. As I was queuing up for breakfast one morning, one guy nearly jumped out of his skin. My first thought was to go 'Woooo!'
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I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
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