American - Comedian | July 12, 1908 - March 27, 2002
If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.
Milton Berle
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Laughter is an instant vacation.
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We owe a lot to Thomas Edison - if it wasn't for him, we'd be watching television by candlelight.
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If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?
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My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.
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A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
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You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think.
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A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.
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The company accountant is shy and retiring. He's shy a quarter of a million dollars. That's why he's retiring.
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Money can't buy you happiness, but it helps you look for it in a lot more places.
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Poverty is not a disgrace, but it's terribly inconvenient.
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Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.
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