American - Comedian | June 21, 1985 -
I'm very quiet off stage. I think I'm a pretty boring person. I'm not super talkative; I spend a lot of my time running and zoning out. I spend so much time trying to write jokes and 'be on,' so when I'm finally off stage, I just want to sit.
Michelle Wolf
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I always almost miss my flight. My routine is to constantly, no matter how bad or good the traffic is, to almost miss my flight.
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I got a third-degree ankle sprain practicing long jump. I never fully recovered. That was my first heartbreak. I thought track was going to be something that was going to happen in my life. It never went in the direction I wanted it to, no matter how hard I tried.
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I always think about my jokes as like I'm driving down a street, trying to go into all the culs-de-sacs along the way. I'm just taking a thoughtful, weird journey.
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It's important for people to, instead of automatically assuming everything the opposite side says is incorrect, you have to at least listen and see why someone might feel a certain way.
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The more confident I am, the more daring I am.
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I'm a standard overachiever.
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The most useful information on CNN is when Anthony Bourdain tells me where to eat noodles.
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When I'm on the road, I eat like I'm on the third day of a hiking trip all the time. I'm eating beef jerky and trail mix constantly.
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I don't want to be in a relationship for the same reason I don't want a kid: I don't want anything in my life to be more important than me.
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I straighten my hair very few times throughout the year, and it's only in the cold winter months because it's the only time my hair will stay straight. If there is, like, a tiny bit of humidity in the air, it's curly again.
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That's why we should respect people: not for how pretty they are, for how useful they are. What would you rather have, a pretty friend or a friend that can help you move? Always a friend that can help you move!
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