American - Author | January 15, 1985 -
When you're confined to a hospital bed, there aren't many appointments you can make. You await visits from friends and family members. You enjoy the coconut ice cream they smuggle in. You tolerate the erratic and invasive visits of doctors and nurses, hoping that one of them will bring you closer to going home.
Josh Gondelman
FamilyHomeFriends And FamilyEnjoy
Often, when I leave the house, I dress for comfort. On my better days, I shoot for 'matching.'
DressBetterHouseComfortMatching
A vest is just a totem reminding you that some people dress well, and you can be one of those people.
DressPeopleYouSome PeopleWell
I value niceness. But now, as a grown person, I value goodness above that. Because niceness doesn't change anything, and goodness changes things.
ChangeValuePersonGoodnessNow
I try to be kind, and I try to reflect that in my comedy, but I'm also incredibly bad at being mean. I can't pull it off effectively, so I always end up reverting back to politeness.
Be KindEndComedyBadBackKind
A vest, as a clothing item, always makes a statement, but depending on context, those declarations vary a great deal.
GreatAlwaysClothingContextDeal
Even under the best circumstances, speaking at your own wedding ceremony is a high pressure endeavor. What even constitutes a vow? I always picture them as exclamations you bellow at the sky.
BestSkyPressurePictureWedding
I just loved jokes so much as a child. I remember wanting to perform at, like... age seven by reading from a kids' joke book, and my parents being like, 'That's not what standup comedy is,' and me being like, 'Not yet it isn't! I'm going to change the game.'
ChangeAgeChildParentsMeReading
I usually think to do pep talks on Twitter if I'm on the road, at home and my girlfriend is out of town, or if I'm at home and up later then my girlfriend and our dog Bizzy - like, if they're both asleep but I'm kind of wired.
DogHomeRoadThinkKindGirlfriend
It's a very lovely reputation to have - being a kind person. I try to live up to the fact that people think that about me.
LivePeopleMeReputationThinkTry
I drink iced coffee nearly every morning and many afternoons year-round.
MorningCoffeeDrinkYear-RoundMany
I grew up in Stoneham, a little suburb of Boston. It's pronounced 'Stone 'em' because Massachusetts doesn't bend to the will of 'how letters are supposed to be said.'
StoneSaidLettersWillBendBoston
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