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Joe E. Lewis Quotes

American - Comedian | -

It pays to get drunk with the best people.

Best People Drunk Get Pays

Whenever someone asks me if I want water with my Scotch, I say I'm thirsty, not dirty.

Water Me Someone Dirty Say Want

I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.

Funny Week Go Drink Without Who

A man is never drunk if he can lay on the floor without holding on.

Man Drunk Never Holding On Without

You only live once - but if you work it right, once is enough.

Work Live Enough You Right Only

They had me on the operating table all day. They looked into my stomach, my gall bladder, they examined everything inside of me. Know what they decided? I need glasses.

Day Me Glasses Table Know Need

We can afford almost any mistake once.

Mistake Almost Once Afford Any

I play in the low 80s. If it's any hotter than that, I won't play.

Sports Play Low Than Any Hotter

I always wake up at the crack of ice.

Wake Up Ice Always Up Crack Wake

I don't drink any more than the man next to me, and the man next to me is Dean Martin.

Man Me Drink More Next Than

I drink to forget I drink.

I would take a bomb, but I can't stand the noise.

Stand Noise Take Would Bomb

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