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Joe E. Lewis Quotes

They had me on the operating table all day. They looked into my stomach, my gall bladder, they examined everything inside of me. Know what they decided? I need glasses.

Joe E. Lewis

Recitation: by Male by Female

Author Biography

Author Profession: comedian
Nationality: american

Topics

Day Me Glasses Table Know Need

People are starting to recognize me, and it can be hard because I'm a really nice person, and people will ask me uncomfortable questions like they know me, and I'm just like, 'Umm... can I walk away now?'

Jessie Pavelka

Walk People Me Questions Person Now

The IRS! They're like the Mafia, they can take anything they want!

Jerry Seinfeld

Funny Want Mafia Anything Take Like

Whether you want to call it God or the mystery of the cosmos doesn't matter to me.

Jeanette Winterson

God Me Mystery You Want Matter

The idea that maybe you don't have to own a car if you only need one occasionally may catch on, just like time-sharing caught on in real estate.

Steve Case

Car Real Estate You Need Real Own

Instead of giving people fish, teach them how to use hooks.

Stef Wertheimer

People Fish Giving Teach Use How

All evolutionary biologists know that variation itself is nature's only irreducible essence... I had to place myself amidst the variation.

Stephen Jay Gould

Nature Myself Place Know Essence

There aren't many sites like 4chan where you can pop in every hour and see all new stuff.

Christopher Poole

You New See Where Pop Stuff

I don't really read Stephen King - I just can't read scary things because it stays with me too long - but I truly liked his memoir of the craft of writing.

Phoebe Robinson

King Me Writing Long Craft Scary

The best conversation with Stanley Kubrick is a silent one: you sit in a theatre and watch his films and you learn so much.

Peter Weir

Best Theatre Learn You Conversation

Corporations are a fictional entity that are designed to make money, and they're neither people nor patriots.

Scott Peters

Money People Patriots Corporations

I wanted to be as far away from everybody as I could be. I found it difficult to be close to anybody, not just the guys in the band.

Rick Allen

Far Away Band Difficult Away Just

When you're working on a huge, elaborate set that took months to create, and you're surrounded by hundreds of extras, you better remember your lines and know what you're doing in a scene!

Kenneth Choi

Better Doing Remember You Create