American - Celebrity | November 13, 1967 -
When you know someone you can make a little more fun of them without them getting offended.
Jimmy Kimmel
FunSomeoneYouKnowOffendedMore
I do have a treadmill desk in my office, and for a while, I would walk on it while checking email and going through jokes. I haven't walked on it in probably four months. Now it's more of an upright dining table for me. At some point, moss will grow over it, birds will build nests, and nature will reclaim the treadmill as its own.
NatureWalkMeBirdsGrowTable
You can say Pizza Hut is terrible pizza, but they also sell more pizzas than anybody else.
PizzaYouSayMoreTerribleSell
You don't need to exorcise your personal demons onstage.
DemonsYouPersonalNeedYour
Sometimes I'll feel like an interview was fine or whatever, and people go, 'Oh, boy, I saw you with so and so last night; that must have been tough.' And then I'm like, 'I guess it was bad. I need to look back at that.'
PeopleNightToughFeelYouLook
Real emotion is good - or doing a good job of faking real emotion.
GoodJobDoingEmotionRealFaking
I'm always looking to the next thing. There are always hurdles, whether it's the White House dinner or hosting charity events or that night's show: Until they're over, I worry, then I move right on to the next thing. It's hard for me to enjoy the moment. I'm just thinking about not failing.
MomentMeDinnerNightLooking
I try hard not to repeat myself and not to do material other people are doing. We transcribe every other late-night show to make sure there's no similarity.
MyselfPeopleDoingTryHardRepeat
I go to Costco every weekend. It's my favorite part of the week.
WeekendWeekGoFavoritePartEvery
My definition of cursing is probably different from what other people's definitions are.
PeopleCursingDifferentDefinition
I don't really need to be dirty to be funny.
FunnyDirtyNeedReally
Almost half our representatives in Washington apparently know more about science than our scientists. Or they pretend to, because big corporations give them a lot of money to make sure they can keep doing the destructive things that they do.
ScienceMoneyDoingKnowWashington
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