American - Celebrity | November 13, 1967 -
I'm a terrible golfer.
Jimmy Kimmel
TerribleGolfer
I have like fifteen televisions in my house.
HouseLikeFifteen
There's an air of mystery around the Masons, but the reality is that they're mostly a bunch of veterans getting drunk in a lodge that they've built to look like a temple. It's just a bunch of guys trying to get away from their wives.
RealityMysteryTryingDrunkLook
If I have one criticism of the other late-night shows, it's that they're almost entirely scripted.
CriticismLate-NightAlmostShows
I describe myself as a human being.
MyselfHumanHuman BeingBeing
There's no debate about the greenhouse effect, just like there's no debate about gravity. If someone throws a piano off the roof, I don't care what Sarah Palin tells you, get out of the way because it's coming down on your head.
CareSomeoneYouDebateDownWay
It never was my plan to get into television.
PlanTelevisionNeverGet
I'm a creative consultant, whatever that means.
CreativeConsultantWhateverMeans
I did not have any delusions of grandeur as a kid.
KidDidAnyGrandeurDelusions
It's funny how all of this has worked out - I wasn't popular in high school, but now every drunken guy in the United States wants to be my pal. They all want to buy me a shot, and pretty soon I'm throwing up.
FunnySchoolMeHigh SchoolWantUp
Almost every week, someone's mad at me.
MeSomeoneWeekMadAlmostEvery
I only get unusual ailments.
GetOnlyUnusual
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