American - Comedian | September 19, 1974 -
Everyone looks so much better when they smile.
Jimmy Fallon
SmileBetterLooksEveryoneMuch
My parents were kind of over protective people. Me and my sister had to play in the backyard all the time. They bought us bikes for Christmas but wouldn't let us ride in the street, we had to ride in the backyard. Another Christmas, my dad got me a basketball hoop and put it in the middle of the lawn! You can't dribble on grass.
TimeRideParentsPeopleMeSister
'Have fun' is my message. Be silly. You're allowed to be silly. There's nothing wrong with it.
FunHave FunSillyYouWrong
L.A., it's nice, but I think of sunshine and people on rollerblades eating sushi. New York, I think of nighttime, I think of Times Square and Broadway and nightlife and the city that never sleeps.
SunshineNew YorkPeopleCityEating
I like video games, I like tech, I like being positive.
PositiveVideo GamesGamesBeing
If you're a sports fan you realize that when you meet somebody, like a girlfriend, they kind of have to root for your team. They don't have a choice.
SportsDatingTeamYouChoiceMeet
Thank you... motion sensor hand towel machine. You never work, so I just end up looking like I'm waving hello to a wall robot.
WorkLookingThank YouEndYouWall
Don't keep reaching for the stars because you'll just look like an idiot stretching that way for no reason.
StarsIdiotYouLookWayReason
I didn't act like I was there. I just got into the story.
StoryActGotJustLike
Thank you, yard sales, for being the perfect way to say to your neighbors: 'We think we're important enough to charge money for our garbage.'
MoneyThinkThank YouEnoughYou
I just really don't like being the center of attention that much. It's kind of ironic.
AttentionKindCenterBeingJust
I'd be nothing without my wife. She's the coolest. She's the greatest. She is the smartest. She's the funniest. I love her so much. She's like the - it's like your best friend for the rest of your life.
LifeLoveFriendBestWifeRest
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