Jack Benny Quotes

American - Comedian | February 14, 1894 - December 26, 1974

Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.

Jack Benny

BeautifulSportsMePartnerGolf

Modesty is my best quality.

Jack Benny

BestQualityModesty

I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either.

Jack Benny

FunnyAwardDeserveArthritisEither

If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.

Jack Benny

FunnyMindYouMatter

Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.

Jack Benny

AgeMindYouMatterOverCase

My wife Mary and I have been married for forty-seven years and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce; murder, yes, but divorce, never.

Jack Benny

WifeEnoughDivorceArgumentSerious

It's not so much knowing when to speak, when to pause.

Jack Benny

SpeakPauseKnowingMuch

Hors D'oeuvre: A ham sandwich cut into forty pieces.

Jack Benny

FortySandwichPiecesCutHamHors

Gags die, humor doesn't.

Jack Benny

HumorDie

I don't want to tell you how much insurance I carry with the Prudential, but all I can say is: when I go, they go too.

Jack Benny

InsuranceYouI CanGoSayWant

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