All these jokes have been pre-approved as funny by me.
Mitch Hedberg
Recitation: by Male by Female
Punk was originally about creating new, important, energetic music that would hopefully threaten the status quo and the stupidity of the 1970s.
Jello Biafra
MusicStupidityCreatingNewPunk
I want to be the Mexican-American Oprah Winfrey. That's a small goal, isn't it? That's something that I want. And of course not just to host, I want to OWN it! So, that's in my future.
Jenni Rivera
FutureSmallGoalWantOwnJust
Tattoos are so widespread, so ugly and so very, very permanent. You can, in theory, have them removed - but a large chunk of your living flesh will go with it.
Tony Parsons
UglyYouGoLivingWillTattoos
If most writers are honest with themselves, this is the difference they want to make: before, they were not noticed; now they are.
Tom Wolfe
NowWantDifferenceHonestNoticed
Cold weather probably played a bigger role in bringing back the hat, but sadly, the hat common to New Jersey guidos, South Carolina rednecks, Idaho potato farmers and Los Angeles gang bangers is the ubiquitous 'tractor hat,' which is derived from the cheap baseball style cap with the adjustable plastic tab.
Roger Stone
StyleBaseballHatWeatherColdNew
We don't have a lot of space in our imaginations to allow people to expand what they do.
Josh Radnor
SpacePeopleExpandAllowOurLot
What's lucky about my career in general is that I stumbled into what every writer most wants. Not repeating myself and doing strange things has become my trademark.
Jonathan Lethem
MyselfDoingCareerStrangeBecome
I don't know how we can compare the old watches we know with the functionality and the capability of the Apple Watch.
Jonathan Ive
WatchesAppleKnowOldWatchHow
Fighting was a problem for me in high school.
Brian Ortega
SchoolMeHigh SchoolFightingHigh
This is the final test of a gentleman: his respect for those who can be of no possible service to him.
William Lyon Phelps
RespectServiceGentlemanPossible
Our friends are generally ready to do everything for us, except the very thing we wish them to do.
William Hazlitt
FriendsWishReadyEverythingUs
Above all, though, children are linked to adults by the simple fact that they are in process of turning into them. For this they may be forgiven much. Children are bound to be inferior to adults, or there is no incentive to grow up.
Philip Larkin
ChildrenSimpleProcessGrowGrow Up
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