John Mulaney Quotes

I like making fun of myself a lot. I like being made fun of, too. I've always enjoyed it. There's just something really, really funny about someone tearing into me.

John Mulaney

Recitation: by Male by Female

Author Biography

Topics

FunnyMyselfFunMeSomeoneAlways

When the poet makes his perfect selection of a word, he is endowing the word with life.

John Drinkwater

LifePerfectPoetWordHeSelection

When you're performing, you just have to keep pushing through. You're human, and you're going to make mistakes. I think even Beyonce has tripped on stage, and she's Beyonce! We're all human beings, and sometimes we trip in our high heels! I barely perform in high heels. I don't know how those girls do it.

Megan Nicole

MistakesThinkYouHigh HeelsKnow

If I could have half the career of Diane Sawyer, I'd be a happy woman.

Megyn Kelly

WomanHappyCareerHalfIf I Could

Our parents don't always know what's right. It's a new age.

Stormzy

AgeParentsNewKnowRightAlways

The thing that probably frustrated me and hurt me the most was when there were inaccurate stories written about me or stories that were written that were trying to imply or infer things that weren't true.

Steve Scalise

MeHurtTryingTrueThingsMost

The Obama administration has an undeniable pattern of using regulatory overreach and intimidation to further its political aims.

Ron Johnson

PoliticalAdministrationFurtherAims

It's my goal to show the world that Americans know how to help Americans without expecting the government to come riding in on a white horse and save the day.

Mike Gallagher

DayGovernmentWorldHorseHelp

I always order soup, dessert, and a sandwich or whatever main course. But then the idea is you have to eat such a small portion of it and bring the rest home.

Lisa Lampanelli

HomeSmallSoupRestYouDessert

I collect a lot of eco-friendly shopping bags that serve to separate my shoes other and other small stuff in my luggage.

Liu Wen

ShoesShoppingSmallServeStuff

I love carbs, but denial is good training for the mind.

Jason Momoa

LoveGoodTrainingMindDenial

Everyone should have ten megabits and then the web will be a wonderful thing.

Jon Postel

WillEveryoneWonderfulWebTen

The Lord doesn't care at all if we spend our days working in marble halls or stable stalls. He knows where we are, no matter how humble our circumstances. He will use - in His own way and for His holy purposes - those who incline their hearts to Him.

Dieter F. Uchtdorf

HumbleCareCircumstancesWayMatter

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