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Jerry Seinfeld Quotes

I don't need you to be funny. I don't want to be entertained.

Recitation: by Male by Female

Author Biography

Author Profession: comedian
Nationality: american
Birth: April 29, 1954

Topics

Funny You Want Need Entertained

I don't know how I got a great husband. I mean, God just blessed me with that one. Because - trust me - before him, I was not making good choices. So I was just absolutely blessed. I just prayed for that man He's my secret weapon because he's so gregarious, and he's so filled with joy. Me? I can sometimes be more cynical, and I'm very shy.

Good God Great Trust Man Joy

I may have many faults, but being wrong ain't one of them.

Wrong May Being Faults Many Them

I'm a farmer! We have a farm that's part of the National Tropical Botanical Garden on Maui, and we raise macadamia nuts.

Farm Farmer Garden Nuts Tropical

The ultimate connection is when you are connected to the creator of the universe.

Universe You Connection Connected

Everyone has at least one story, and each of us is funny if we admit it. You have to admit you're the funniest person you've ever heard of.

Funny Story You Admit Person Us

Our reason may prove what it will: our reason is only a feeble ray that has issued from Nature.

Maurice Maeterlinck

Nature Prove Will Reason May Only

If we took away women's right to vote, we'd never have to worry about another Democrat president.

Women Worry Vote Never Right Away

However the Southern man may have been master of the negro, there were compensatory processes whereby certain negroes were masters of their masters' children.

John Sergeant Wise

Children Man Master May Been

Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.

Used Should Every Occasion

The doctrines & miracles of our Saviour have required nearly two thousand years to convert but a small part of the human race, & even among Christian nations, what gross errors still exist!

Small Christian Miracles Race Human

The course of business shapes public opinion.

Business Opinion Shapes Course

A selfish man is a thief.

Man Selfish Thief

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