American - Entertainer | March 4, 1927 -
I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home.
Robert Orben
HomeChildrenParentingBackFind
Never raise your hand to your children - it leaves your midsection unprotected.
ChildrenParentingHandNeverYour
Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.
FunnyHealthFoodPeopleNeedEat
More than ever before, Americans are suffering from back problems: back taxes, back rent, back auto payments.
SufferingProblemsBackMoreTaxes
Quit worrying about your health. It will go away.
HealthGoQuitWillAwayGo Away
Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian.
ProblemAskAlwaysUnitedBeenAny
What bothers me about TV is that it tends to take our minds off our minds.
MeMindsTakeOffOurTV
There are days when it takes all you've got just to keep up with the losers.
YouUpDaysKeepJustLosers
Love is so confusing - you tell a girl she looks great and what's the first thing you do? Turn out the lights!
LoveGirlGreatLove IsYouLights
I got a Valentine's Day card from my girl. It said, 'Take my heart! Take my arms! Take my lips!' Which is just like her. Keeping the best part for herself.
GirlHeartValentine's DayBestDay
I remember when humor was gentle pokes. I used to call it 'arm around the shoulder' humor. Now they go for the jugular and they take no prisoners. It's mean, mean stuff.
HumorRememberGoNowGentleMean
The chance to be seen as a warm, witty guy is too good an opportunity for a politician to miss.
GoodOpportunityChanceWarmWitty
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