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Mark Russell Quotes

American - Writer | August 23, 1932 -

The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage.

Best Space Lost Theory Rings Saturn

The way money goes so fast these days, they should paint racing stripes on it.

Money Racing Fast Way Stripes Paint

If you call your opponent a politician, it's grounds for libel.

You Opponent Call Politician Your

I do jokes about what's funny, and both sides are funny.

Funny Sides Jokes Both Sides Both

If the audience doesn't like it, usually they're just silent. But they've never all walked out at once.

Silent Never Audience Out Just Like

We're just moving along as quick as possible.

Moving Possible Quick Along Just

Believe me when I say that Bill Clinton's second term will be good for business. My business.

Good Business Me Believe Say Will

You've got the brain-washed, that's the Democrats, and the brain-dead, that's the Republicans!

You Democrats Got Republicans

I believe that Bill Clinton's second term will be good for business... my business!

Good Business Believe Will I Believe

You know when Jerry Ford gets the best joke, you know you're in trouble.

Best You Trouble Know Joke Ford

Humor is very very risky, particularly for a candidate, unless he's been in so long that it just doesn't matter, and he's not running for president. But it's just that people are so sensitive and so touchy, and you're just going to upset somebody without ever realizing it.

Humor People Long You Upset Matter

People are not in a good mood when any politician's face appears on television.

Good People Face Television Mood

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