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Lewis Grizzard Quotes

American - Writer | October 20, 1946 - March 20, 1994

The game of life is a lot like football. You have to tackle your problems, block your fears, and score your points when you get the opportunity.

Life Opportunity Football Game You

Life is like a dogsled team. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes.

Life Dog Team Scenery You Never

It's difficult to think anything but pleasant thoughts while eating a homegrown tomato.

Food Thoughts Eating Think Difficult

'Redneck' has been terribly abused as a term. Where I come from, a redneck was a farmer who worked the fields all day and got his neck sunburned. People made fun of them.

Day Fun People Farmer Redneck Neck

I went last week to get hypnotized. To quit smoking. And the hypnotist said, 'The reason you smoke is you're bitter and depressed.' No, the reason I smoke is the little sucker tastes so good.

Good Smoking Week You Smoke Said

You call to a dog and a dog will break its neck to get to you. Dogs just want to please. Call to a cat and its attitude is, 'What's in it for me?'

Dog Attitude Me You Want Will

Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and give her a house.

Marriage Woman House Find Her Going

Things are more complex today, and I think humor has changed a a great deal. People are more sensitive today.

Today Great Humor People Think More

You can write the best column in the world on Monday, and it does you absolutely no good on Tuesday. There is no way to win. You just write until you are tired, they fire you, or you die.

Good Best Fire Monday Tired Win

A little irreverence is always important to being a columnist. I try to do that.

Important Try Always Little Being

Yankees don't understand that the Southern way of talking is a language of nuance. What we can do in the South is we can take a word and change it just a little bit and make it mean something altogether different.

Change Language Talking Understand

I grew up in a very large family in a very small house. I never slept alone until after I was married.

Family Alone Small House Never Up

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