American - Comedian | October 13, 1925 - August 3, 1966
I'm not a comedian. And I'm not sick. The world is sick, and I'm the doctor. I'm a surgeon with a scalpel for false values.
Lenny Bruce
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All my humor is based on destruction and despair. If the whole world were tranquil, without disease and violence, I'd be standing in the bread line - right in back of J. Edgar Hoover.
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I won't say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner. We used to write essays like: What I'm going to be if I grow up.
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I would be with a bunch of Kennedy fans watching the debate, and their comment would be, 'He's really slaughtering Nixon.' Then we would all go to another apartment, and the Nixon fans would say, 'How do you like the shellacking he gave Kennedy?'
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If Jesus had been killed twenty years ago, Catholic school children would be wearing little electric chairs around their necks instead of crosses.
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A lot of people say to me, 'Why did you kill Christ?' I dunno, it was one of those parties, got out of hand, you know.
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I hate small towns because once you've seen the cannon in the park there's nothing else to do.
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If you can take the hot lead enema, then you can cast the first stone.
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The only truly anonymous donor is the guy who knocks up your daughter.
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I'll die young, but it's like kissing God.
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The only honest art form is laughter, comedy. You can't fake it... try to fake three laughs in an hour - ha ha ha ha ha - they'll take you away, man. You can't.
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The liberals can understand everything but people who don't understand them.
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