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Jay London Quotes

American - Comedian | -

I once dated a weather girl, we talked up a storm.

Girl Storm Weather Up Once Talked

I went to a record store and asked for 50 cent. They kicked me out for pan-handling.

Me Out Store Kicked Record Store

I went to the doctor and he said I had acute appendicitis, and I said compared to who?

Medical Doctor Said Who He Had

I wanted to take up music, so my father bought me a blunt instrument. He told me to knock myself out.

Father Music Myself Me Out Up

After all these years I had the privilege of naming my private part, cause we have nicknames. So I named my private part pride... it's not much but at least I have my pride.

Pride Privilege Years Naming Cause

My whole family is lactose intolerant and when we take pictures we can't say cheese.

Family Cheese Pictures Say Take

I went to the store and bought lady fingers, when I got home I noticed one of the fingers was missing so I went back to the store and the manager was nice enough to give me the finger.

Home Me Enough Lady Back Nice

I went out with a promiscuous impressionist - she did everybody.

She Out Everybody Did Promiscuous

I saw a sign it said left lane closed so I went someplace else.

Said Lane Left Saw Sign Else

Did you know that today will never be tomorrow.

Today Tomorrow You Know Will Never

I'm on performance enhancing drugs, so I may cause drowsiness.

Performance May Cause Enhancing

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