Irish - Comedian | November 3, 1971 - 1
You can't please everyone, nor should you seek to, because then you won't please anyone, least of all yourself.
Dylan Moran
YourselfYouPlease EveryoneEveryone
America is this incredible mosaic of immigrants, so people really want to be anchored in some kind of culture as well as the one they are living in.
CulturePeopleAmericaKindLiving
People will kill you over time, and how they'll kill you is with tiny, harmless phrases, like 'be realistic.'
TimePeopleYouWillOverRealistic
I'm really not big on nationalism, to be honest with you. I really don't think it gets people anywhere except near a pile of dead bodies. I'm Irish, yeah, but I don't need to get up on a soapbox about it.
PeopleThinkNationalismYouNeed
Irish people give big hellos and very little goodbyes. Unless they're female, and then they spend five hours talking in the doorway to the person that's leaving their house.
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I get a phone call once every 18 months from some mad person who wants me to do something for less than no money and they give me about a week's notice. That's my film career, most of the time.
TimeMoneyMeWeekPhonePhone Call
Some people have told me that I'm grumpy; it's not something that I'm aware of. It's not like I walk around poking children in the eye... not very small ones, anyway.
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If I hadn't done this I might have ended up digging the roads.
RoadsDoneUpDiggingMightEnded
I enjoy performing, always, but when you're taping a gig, you've got to blank out this mass apparatus of self-consciousness that's surrounding you, this invitation to drown in self-consciousness. Otherwise you just won't be able to do anything.
EnjoyYouAlwaysOutAnythingJust
You have to assume that you're talking to the most intelligent, tuned-in audience you could ever get. That's the way you're going to get the best out of people. Whether they know you or not shouldn't matter for comedy. They should get to know you pretty quickly. and they should be having a good time pretty quickly.
GoodTimeBestHaving A Good Time
I never thought I want to do anything, really, except not go to work properly and turn up at the same place every day and eat sandwiches in the same canteen, if I can possibly help it, as I don't think I'd be very good at it.
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I have no qualifications to do anything else and there weren't any formal application forms you had to fill in for stand-up, so I thought I'd give that a twist.
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