Melissa and I both say we don't write very good jokes.
Ben Falcone
Recitation: by Male by Female
Did Mad freakin' Max just call me irritating?
Joe Pesci
MeMadCallIrritatingJustDid
I panicked when my son, Jett, stopped eating baby food. He's only two, but his food vocabulary is fantastic. He likes my baked tilapia and string beans with chopped garlic. But he really likes pizza. Sometimes every inanimate object to him is pizza.
Jill Scott
SonFoodPizzaBabyEatingHim
Of course, the American education system is very inefficient in many ways compared to other countries in Europe or Japan, but it works in such a way that at least the few people who are going onto unusual careers and science can manage to get into that, even though they go through an earlier stage that doesn't give them much.
John Forbes Nash, Jr.
EducationSciencePeopleAmericanGo
I feel like I missed my era, because I remember the time when black people uplifted each other and looked for the positives. I feel sorry for the people who live their lives in the negative default setting because they filter out what's good, and that's no way to live.
Michael Jai White
GoodLiveTimePeopleNegativeFeel
The thing that makes countries want to pursue some kind of nuclear deterrent is precisely the fact that they feel threatened.
Stephen M. Walt
FeelWantKindPursueThreatened
Acting is a really insular thing.
Robert Carlyle
ActingReallyThingInsular
A leader is the one who can outline the broad vision and the direction, and say here's where we are going to go, here's why we need to go there, and here's how we are going to get there. A manager is the one who actually gets up under the hood and tunes the carburetor.
Mike Huckabee
LeaderVisionDirectionHoodManager
For a date night with my girlfriend, we go to Zuma for Japanese.
DJ Khaled
NightGoGirlfriendJapaneseDate
To this day, just always treat people the way you want to be treated. Whether it's family or friends or co-workers, I think it's the most important thing. Whether you have success or don't have it, whether you're a good person is all that matters.
Brenda Song
FamilySuccessGoodDayPeopleYou
What you wear - and it always starts with your shoes - determines what kind of character you are. A woman who wears high heels carries herself very different to a girl who wears sneakers or sandals. It really helps determine how you carry yourself.
Winona Ryder
GirlCharacterShoesWomanYourself
Immigrants contribute more than they take. It is a lie that they take public benefits, because they don't qualify for just about every benefit.
Pramila Jayapal
LieImmigrantsMoreTakeBenefits
I am happy being what I am.
Paul Theroux
I AmHappyI Am HappyBeingAm
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