Maria Bamford Quotes

When I'm up on stage and do a joke, half the people interpret it one way and half of them interpret it the way I want them to.

Maria Bamford

Recitation: by Male by Female

Author Biography

Topics

PeopleWantWayStageJokeUp

I mean, it's the life lessons that I suppose you learn that nobody gets a free ride and that you do the best you can with the means that you can and try to open yourself to as much knowledge and all that that you can.

Joe Mantegna

LifeKnowledgeBestRideYourself

I fall asleep feeling beautiful. Then, in the morning, before I leave the house, I say five things I love about myself, like 'You have really pretty eyes.' That way I can go out into the world with that little bit of extra confidence. It's a feel-good protein shake in my back pocket in case someone messes with me that day.

Jennifer Love Hewitt

LoveConfidenceMorningBeautifulMe

I'm suspicious of the idea of categories in music and this idea of things being in boxes. To me, that seems unnatural. I write the music that somebody with my biography would write, and the thing that's always driven me is an enthusiasm for the material. I sort of follow the notes to where they want to go.

Max Richter

MusicMeEnthusiasmGoWantFollow

I do not claim to be an expert on race in America.

Stan Van Gundy

AmericaRaceExpertClaim

Normally, I am a vocal advocate for 'looking both ways' and 'knowing the size of one's own body.' But working, socialising and simply running errands in Manhattan, means I am bound to break my own rules on occasion.

Sloane Crosley

I AmLookingBodyRulesKnowingOwn

In an era when party fundraising is badly tainted, dinners are a really good way of raising cash for campaigning. Lots of people giving very small amounts of money through ticket sales and raffle prizes: yes, it's much harder work than big donations, but I think it's a more democratic and transparent way of fundraising.

Lucy Powell

WorkGoodMoneyPeopleSmallThink

Sometimes I don't even deliberate. I just decide from the bench, it's so obvious. The beautiful part is that I have carte blanche.

Joseph Wapner

BeautifulSometimesBenchDecide

I once met a man who was a billionaire, and I said to him: 'Are you a self-made man?' - and he turned around and said: 'No man is self-made;' and certainly, if you want to make films or get into television or even theatre, the amount of help that you need, the amount of people who need to give you a helping hand is extraordinary.

Christian McKay

ManPeopleTheatreHelpYouSaid

We need a sense of the value of time - that is, of the best way to divide one's time into one's various activities.

Arnold Bennett

TimeBestValueWayNeedActivities

If you are afraid of loneliness, do not marry.

Anton Chekhov

LonelinessYouAfraidMarry

Making it big in this world is such a rip-off, you gotta keep your head together or it can be totally without meaning.

Shelley Duvall

TogetherWorldMeaningYouHeadBig

As a kid I was short and only weighed 95 pounds. And though I was active in a lot of Sports and got along with most of the guys, I think I used comedy as a defense mechanism. You know making someone laugh is a much better way to solve a problem than by using your fists.

Tim Conway

SportsThinkBetterShortProblem

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