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John Oliver Quotes

You can write jokes at any point of the day. Jokes are not that hard to write, or they shouldn't be when it is literally your job.

Recitation: by Male by Female

Author Biography

Author Profession: comedian
Nationality: british
Birth: April 23, 1977

Topics

Day Job You Write Hard Jokes

What I like most about an aquarium is that all ages, from toddlers to pre-schoolers to retired grandparents, can really enjoy the wonders of the sea.

Sea Enjoy Grandparents Like Wonders

One of the jobs of a director is to ask questions. One of the jobs of the director is to stand in for the audience until they get there.

Stand Questions Ask Director Get

If you want a baby, have a new one. Don't baby the old one.

Baby You New Want Old Old One

Loss-absorbing capacity among banks is substantially higher as a result of both regulatory requirements and stress testing exercises.

Stress Result Testing Higher Banks

We ought to follow through on an idea that was first proposed by President Clinton to allow people over the age of 55 who are not eligible for Medicare into the Medicare system, at cost, and below cost for those who can't afford it. That takes care of a significant number of the people who don't have health insurance.

Age Health People Care Insurance

The important thing about a sport is the people who devote their lives to it.

People Important Who Important Thing

I know there are millions of people out there having just as good a time as I am.

Suki Waterhouse

Good Time I Am People Know Out

Being a teenager is chaotic because you're kind of coming into your own, but you're not an adult; you're fighting with your parents over responsibilities and freedom.

Troian Bellisario

Freedom Parents Fighting You Kind

I'm not a fan of Secretary Rumsfeld. I don't think he listens enough to his uniformed officers.

Think Enough Fan Officers He His

I don't know if I owned a toothbrush until I was 19, maybe. I didn't come from stock that placed any importance on the toothbrush. But a couple of girls I met changed that. And I would do anything to get a girl to pay attention to me long enough that I could feel good about myself.

Good Girl Myself Me Feel Good Feel

My mom just wanted me to do anything that was academic, whether it was become a doctor or be a lawyer. Engineering suited her... then I dropped out. It was not what I wanted to do at all; it just felt so unnatural, and I couldn't put my finger on why. I just knew it wasn't for me.

Me Mom Doctor Lawyer Engineering

I really went back through a lot of the dark corridors of my life in this. I wanted people to know who I am based on my music, not on what they read in the tabloids.

Lisa Marie Presley

Life Music I Am People My Life Dark

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