Joan Rivers Quotes

With plastic surgery, the general anesthetic is like a black-velvety sleep, and that's what death is - without waking up to someone clapping and going, 'Joan, wake up, it's all over and you're looking pretty'.

Joan Rivers

Recitation: by Male by Female

Author Biography

  • Author Profession: comedian
  • Nationality: american
  • Birth: June 8, 1933 - September 4, 2014

Topics

DeathSleepLookingWake UpSomeone

My first professional gig was 'Once Upon a Mattress' at the Drury Lane Oakbrook... I was in the ensemble. I was one of the ladies in waiting, and I covered Winnifred.

Jessie Mueller

WaitingProfessionalFirstLaneOnce

I am still making order out of chaos by reinvention.

John le Carre

I AmChaosOutOrderStillMaking

If you look at the sponsors who were in the sport 15 years ago compared to now there are a lot fewer. Why? Because those runners who took drugs tainted the sport. They tainted all of us in it.

Maurice Greene

YouLookNowWhyYearsUs

I love Martin Amis.

Maura Tierney

LoveI LoveMartin

At heart, I'm a dude from South Central Los Angeles. We roll the way we roll because we had survival tactics; we had to learn how to adapt. That's just me.

John Singleton

HeartMeLearnSurvivalAdaptWay

I really wanted to do research. That has never changed.

Amar Bose

ResearchNeverChangedWantedReally

But I cannot bring myself to believe that I was intended for a musician, because it seems so small a business in comparison with other things which, it seems to me, I might do. Question here: 'What is the province of music in the economy of the world?'

Sidney Lanier

BusinessMusicMyselfMeWorld

I never get the tall, blonde, glamorous roles because I'm not tall, blonde and glamorous. I'm more the wee, disturbing characters because of the way I look or sound.

Shirley Henderson

BlondeLookWayNeverTallSound

Doing 'The Electric Company' was the most fun ever.

Rita Moreno

FunDoingCompanyMostElectric

Every funny story has at least one unusual thing in it.

Matt Besser

FunnyStoryUnusualEveryLeast

It's time to save the U.N. from its own scandals and mismanagement. It's time for U.N. Reform with teeth.

Mike Pence

TimeTeethOwnReformSaveScandals

My family is Abenaki Indian on my mother's side. My father's side of the family is Slovak, and we also have some English ancestry.

Joseph Bruchac

FamilyFatherMotherSideEnglish

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