Joan Rivers Quotes

I made so many jokes about poor Russell Crowe, he once knocked on my dressing room door, and told me he wanted to go out on this chat show we were on to laugh with me. Now he's ruined it. I can't make another joke about him.

Joan Rivers

Recitation: by Male by Female

Author Biography

  • Author Profession: comedian
  • Nationality: american
  • Birth: June 8, 1933 - September 4, 2014

Topics

MeDoorLaughGoNowPoor

The more Americans find out about President Barack Obama's health care law, the less they like it. A majority of Americans want out.

John Barrasso

HealthLawCareFindWantMore

I think people should be given a test much like driver's tests as to whether they're capable of being parents! It's an art form. I talk a lot. And I think a lot. And I draw a lot. But never in a million years would I have been a parent. That's just work that's too hard.

Maurice Sendak

WorkArtParentsPeopleThinkTest

People ask me where I want to go next, and I don't want to go anywhere.

Michael Frome

PeopleMeGoWantAskNext

But, what did happen is I went to Woodstock as a member of the audience. I did not show up there with a road manager and a couple of guitars. I showed up with a change of clothes and a toothbrush.

John Sebastian

ChangeRoadClothesManagerAudience

I like getting requests from audience members.

Steve Forbert

AudienceLikeGettingMembers

I'm a junior - like Dinosaur Jr.

Stephen Malkmus

DinosaurLikeJunior

Because I never set out to be an actress, I always feel so lucky and grateful. There are so many people who are really desperate to be stars, and it was completely the opposite for me - I fell into it.

Sophia Myles

StarsGratefulPeopleMeFeelLucky

Nothing is too controversial, but you have to think about how to do it with sensitivity. I don't try to be insensitive. I think really, really carefully about exactly what things mean and how they will affect people.

Stewart Lee

PeopleThinkYouNothingTryMean

Just being able to grind, day in and day out. You have to be a different kind of person to not just do the workouts, but to not make money for months at a time.

Robbie Lawler

TimeMoneyDayYouGrindPerson

I think the main thing about comedy and humor is that it's impossible and always was impossible to define.

Mike Nichols

HumorImpossibleThinkComedyAlways

Evolution has programmed our brains to find two things particularly interesting, and therefore memorable: jokes and sex - and especially, it seems, jokes about sex.

Joshua Foer

InterestingSexFindEvolutionJokes

Things hurt me just as much as anyone else. My insecurities, failures. I'm vulnerable to comparisons.

Diane Lane

MeHurtThingsJustInsecurities

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