American - Comedian | June 13, 1953 -
Never comment on a woman's rear end. Never use the words 'large' or 'size' with 'rear end.' Never. Avoid the area altogether. Trust me.
Tim Allen
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I was gone so much in my first marriage. I love the moments when I engage with my youngest daughter now. It's not my thing to sit on the ground and play tea party, but I'll do it because it's a moment that will stick with me forever.
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Dad needs to show an incredible amount of respect and humor and friendship toward his mate so the kids understand their parents are sexy, they're fun, they do things together, they're best friends. Kids learn by example. If I respect Mom, they're going to respect Mom.
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In marriage, compromise nurtures the relationship.
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I don't understand why it has to be either - or - either socialism or democracy. Why can't we combine things to get the best of each system?
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The big advantage to playing the Venetian in Las Vegas - where it's a beautiful theater - is that unlike other places, even many other nice venues, I can do a set and lighting cues, I can put on a real show. I can dress up, wear a tux.
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It's true; I have a skill and it's... it has not related to acting, it's not related to auditions, it's not related to studios, not related to public whim. It's whether I'm funny or not and whether I can entertain people.
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I have an only child. She's so independent and good with adults.
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While awaiting sentencing, I decided to give stand-up comedy a shot. The judge had suggested I get my act together, and I took him seriously.
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Men are pigs. Too bad we own everything.
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When somebody tells you they're not very smart, they're saying exactly the opposite.
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I have irrational fears, and they all go back to losing my father as a kid. I've never gotten over it.
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