Irish - Comedian | April 16, 1918 - February 27, 2002
The night before Tilbury, the Cordon Bleu gourmet dinner turned out Cordon Brown. Six out of ten to the chef for trying and ten out of ten to us for eating it.
Spike Milligan
ChefDinnerNightEatingTryingOut
Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.
UsedShouldEveryOccasion
Is the modern social pattern of unending change and movement the cause of two modern diseases, insecurity and dissatisfaction? How lucky Thomas Hood was to be able to write, 'I remember, I remember the house where I was born.' I don't even know what mine looked like!
ChangeInsecurityRememberHoodBorn
Driver Shepherd and I had been detailed to drive Lt. Budden in the Wireless Truck. We had been standing by vehicles for an hour, and nothing had happened, but it happened frequently.
TruckDriveNothingShepherdDriver
I am afraid that, like Timon of Athens, I just cannot let go of my friendships.
I AmGoAfraidLet GoAthensJust
Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it's all in perfect working order.
PerfectAnythingOrderWorkingWorn
Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?
YouGoingComeUseQuietly
I'm not afraid of dying I just don't want to be there when it happens.
WantDyingAfraidJustHappens
I shook hands with a friendly Arab. I still have my right arm to prove it.
HandsProveRightFriendlyStill
It was a perfect marriage. She didn't want to and he couldn't.
MarriagePerfectWantSheHe
You couldn't enclose people in institutions or hospitals or almshouses in the way the Victorians managed to do. India was too big. Seeing the suffering people was terrible, but I think I was more distraught at the needless cruelty to so many animals.
PeopleSufferingThinkYouSeeing
I have resigned from the human race. Look at the way we treat animals.
TreatLookAnimalsWayRaceHuman
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