American - Writer | February 11, 1962 -
It is during fertility that a female loses herself and enters that cloud overly rich in estrogen.
Sandra Tsing Loh
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In my case, when it arrived at 49, perimenopause was terrifying and like nothing I had ever before physically experienced.
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I am a member of the 'sandwich' generation, that group that must simultaneously care for elderly parents and support children.
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In the end, the real wisdom of menopause may be in questioning how fun or even sane this chore wheel called modern life actually is.
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Almost 50 years old now, some 30 years after graduation, I look at my Caltech classmates and conclude that math whizzes do not take over the world.
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I'd be lying if I claimed that, in spite of our amiable afternoons, I don't have an ache somewhere in my heart that my children will not be playing Carnegie Hall anytime soon.
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When I think of Chinese parents, I think of people who weep upon hearing Beethoven, but who can't necessarily bring that joy to others.
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Although my life is far from perfect, the irony is that in a divorced parent's custody schedule - with days on and days off - instead of like it was before, when I felt ragged and still oddly guilty all the time, now I feel guilty but not ragged.
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Whether you wish to chant 'Our houses, our selves' or 'We have houses, hear us roar,' for us women, home is where the heart is.
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Certainly, being a 'perfect' mother is unachievable.
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Approaching 50, I am living a life that is less sunlit Waldman/Chabon than tattered Charles Bukowski.
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My sister is not my mother, but more than anyone else, she fills that role for me now - like it or not. And indeed, all women I know play that role for somebody - like it or not.
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