English - Actor | September 5, 1973 -
I worked with some directors, and it was really collaborative, and I was sort of writing with them. I was giving so many pieces of myself to their movies, I thought, 'It's about time I use my own voice for me, and establish my own voice.' So I knew I wanted to make films.
Paddy Considine
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It's such a stressful environment, I find, being an actor, being put in the chair and 'Touch this, that, and the other,' it's too much for me. I find it hard to tolerate that sort of stuff. If you're not enjoying it, don't do it. You're wasting everyone's time.
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The thing is, if I try to talk about acting, I come off as moaning. But I'm privileged. I think it's all about control. Acting is vulnerable because you're not in control of anything. You have to give up a lot of your trust; it's up to somebody else what they do with what you've given them.
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At the end of the day, my life isn't about other people's work. I've got to stop giving stuff away. I've got my own stories to tell, and a great need to tell them. I've got these images, these thoughts in my head, and I need to find a way to cope with them.
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I'll admit, sometimes I've paid the bills with acting. You know the phrase, 'It's one for the money, two for the showreel.' I don't want that as a director. I don't want to compromise myself. There's a big old wide world out there. I want to explore it.
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There is nothing worse than when actors come to a set - and it happens a lot with big stars - and they are too aware of where the camera is. They are the show. And that becomes apparent and it affects the production. I am like 'You should not know where the camera is - you should act, and I will do the rest.'
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I got through with my ability to mimic others and make people laugh. I swaggered through life, but, in reality, I lived in fear pretty much every day. I acted like a completely normal person, and I suppose I was good at it. But, inside, it was a very different story.
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Since being diagnosed with Asperger's, I'd been working with an acting coach who has now become a good friend. We'd been trying lots of improvisational techniques to help me with some of the problems I experience. But it's a very slow process.
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I suppose I just had this Christian idea about how I ought to go about my life. I thought, 'If I work really hard and have a bit of success, the problems I'd had all my life would leave me.' But, of course, not a bit of it left me because Asperger's is not something you just get over or grow out of.
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There's no social realism in 'Tyrannosaur.' It's not about the social landscape or the political landscape or any of that. It's just about human beings. I never made 'Tyrannosaur' in reference to anybody - I just made it because I had to make my own films.
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It was important that I got my own voice out there in the world. I'd used it on other people's films, collaborated, and I thought, 'You know, I can do this myself.' That was more important than anything else.
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A lecturer once told me I could never be a director. I was 16. I believed him.
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