American - Comedian | March 16, 1926 -
Pity? You don't want to be pitied because you're a cripple in a wheelchair? Stay in your house!
Jerry Lewis
YouHouseWantStayBecausePity
A woman doing comedy doesn't offend me, but sets me back a bit. I, as a viewer, have trouble with it. I think of her as a producing machine that brings babies in the world.
WomanMeWorldThinkComedyDoing
We're leaving the House to people who either were born with a silver spoon in their mouth... or couldn't get better jobs in the first place.
PeopleBetterMouthHouseBorn
When I was onstage doing the work, adrenaline killed the pain because I never hurt in front of an audience.
WorkPainHurtDoingNeverAudience
I need the applause.
NeedApplause
The young man who's had the Guggenheim fortune behind him all his life - he can hire all the authorities on the subject to teach him how to do a monologue, but he's never going to have the right stuff to pull it off. If he doesn't walk out onstage needing to walk out there, he doesn't have a dream of doing well.
LifeWalkManDoingDreamYoung
I tell young comics, 'Do you want this badly enough? It's there. But you have to go get it. And if you think I'm going to give you the key to the lock of that door, there is no key, there is no lock, and there is no door.'
DoorThinkKeyEnoughYouYoung
A lot of people resent that I've been in someone's life for 50 years. Why shouldn't people have an affection for me and what I've done? Didn't I have to be genuine for them to buy into what I did? There are children who grow up today who will not have that when they're 55 years old. With whom will they have it? Name an example for me.
LifeTodayChildrenPeopleMeName
Don't you understand how dramatic it is to be a comic? To be a fool, to get people to laugh at this show-off? Milton Berle could take Laurence Olivier and stick him under the table if he wanted to. And so could I.
FoolPeopleLaughYouTableHim
I don't want to be remembered. I want the nice words when I can hear them.
WordsI CanNiceWantRemembered
I never tell an audience what they can expect. I never have and I never will. I'm an entertainer for 75 years.
WillNeverYearsAudienceTell
If you're an old pro, you know how well you're doing when you're doing it, and your inner government spanks you if you're not doing well.
GovernmentDoingYouKnowOldWell
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