American - Writer | August 7, 1942 -
A girl in a bikini is like having a loaded pistol on your coffee table - There's nothing wrong with them, but it's hard to stop thinking about it.
Garrison Keillor
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It's a shallow life that doesn't give a person a few scars.
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Even in a time of elephantine vanity and greed, one never has to look far to see the campfires of gentle people.
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I was an English major at the University of Minnesota, and I was very shy, which many people misinterpreted as intelligence. On the basis of that wrong impression, I became the editor of the campus literary magazine.
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I can write anywhere. I write in airports. I write on airplanes. I've written in the back seats of taxis. I write in hotel rooms. I love hotel rooms. I just write wherever I am whenever I need to write.
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Cursing is highly effective in person - someone kicks his car in rage, forgetting he's wearing flip-flops, flames pour from his mouth, and it's impressive. But you see it in print, and it's just ugly.
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I talk in subjects and verbs, and sort of wind around in concentric circles until I get far enough away from the beginning so that I can call it the end, and it ends.
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I think the most un-American thing you can say is, 'You can't say that.'
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A good newspaper is never nearly good enough but a lousy newspaper is a joy forever.
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They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
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The highlight of my childhood was making my brother laugh so hard that food came out of his nose.
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I've wanted to be a writer since I was a boy, though it seemed an unlikely outcome since I showed no real talent. But I persevered and eventually found my own row to hoe. Ignorance of other writers' work keeps me from discouragement and I am less well-read than the average bus driver.
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