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Deborah Tannen Quotes

American - Sociologist | June 7, 1945 -

Everything we say has metamessages indicating how our words are to be interpreted: Is this a serious statement or a joke? Does it show annoyance or goodwill? Most of the time, metamessages are communicated and interpreted without notice because, as far as anyone can tell, the speaker and the hearer agree on their meaning.

Time Words Meaning Serious Say Tell

The long history of conversations that family members share contributes not only to how listeners interpret words but also to how speakers choose them.

Family History Words Long Choose

I wouldn't say that it's hard for sisters to treat each other with respect. Many do.

Respect Treat Say Hard Many Sisters

Everything you say in a family carries meaning from all that was said before. So with friends, there is less likelihood of a few words triggering associations from childhood, where our deepest emotions often are rooted.

Family Childhood Words Friends You

It's an interesting point about sisters not getting the same attention as parents and children, and even brothers. I suspect it's just because women didn't count that much and weren't the ones writing the accounts.

Women Children Parents Writing Count

In the past, great communicators were great orators, but great communicators today sound conversational, and interrupting is common in conversation. And public discourse is now more about entertainment than enlightenment.

Today Great Past Enlightenment Now

One of the first studies in the field of gender and language, by Don H. Zimmerman and Candace West in 1975, found that in casual conversations between women and men, women were interrupted far more often.

Women Men Language Gender First Far

It might seem at first surprising that when I studied women and men talking at work, I found that women 'interrupted' each other more often than men did - when they were in all-women conversations.

Work Women Men Talking More First

An assumption underlying almost all comments on interruptions is that they are aggressive, but the line between what's perceived as assertiveness or aggressiveness almost certainly shifts with an interrupter's gender.

Gender Aggressive Line Almost Shifts

For women, detailed conversation is our lifeblood, while for men it's just not as critical.

Women Men Conversation Just Critical

This idea that we should be best friends with our partner of the opposite gender leads toward tremendous frustration. Did you ever notice that while men often refer to their wives as best friends, women usually refer to another woman in that way?

Women Best Men Woman Frustration

It's a particularly modern myth that married people are best friends. The best-friend concept is a uniquely female phenomena.

Best People Friends Modern Myth

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