American - Journalist | June 24, 1842 - 1914
Deliberation, n.: The act of examining one's bread to determine which side it is buttered on.
Ambrose Bierce
BreadSideActWhichDeliberation
Positive, adj.: Mistaken at the top of one's voice.
PositiveVoiceTopMistaken
Saint: A dead sinner revised and edited.
DeadSinnerSaintEditedRevised
What this country needs what every country needs occasionally is a good hard bloody war to revive the vice of patriotism on which its existence as a nation depends.
GoodPatriotismWarCountryHard
Lawsuit: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.
LegalYouPigGoOutSausage
Amnesty, n. The state's magnanimity to those offenders whom it would be too expensive to punish.
ExpensiveWouldWhomStateThose
Creditor. One of a tribe of savages dwelling beyond the Financial Straits and dreaded for their desolating incursions.
FinancialBeyondTribeDwelling
Litigant. A person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bones.
HopePersonSkinUpBonesGive
Alien - an American sovereign in his probationary state.
AmericanAlienStateHisSovereign
Eloquence, n. The art of orally persuading fools that white is the color that it appears to be. It includes the gift of making any color appear white.
ArtGiftColorWhiteFoolsMaking
Irreligion - the principal one of the great faiths of the world.
GreatWorldPrincipalFaiths
Heaven lies about us in our infancy and the world begins lying about us pretty soon afterward.
WorldHeavenLyingPrettyUsBegins
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