American - Comedian | December 26, 1927 - May 9, 2004
I don't mind being 65, but nobody is gonna tell me to come in at 5:30 to have the early bird special.
Alan King
BirdMindMeEarlyNobodySpecial
My mother's sister was killed in a trolley car accident, so I was raised as one of eight with my sister and six male cousins.
MotherCarSisterCousinsAccident
Banks have a new image. Now you have 'a friend,' your friendly banker. If the banks are so friendly, how come they chain down the pens?
FriendMoneyYouDownNewImage
You only live once, except for Shirley MacLaine.
LiveYouOnlyOnceExceptShirley
The world is full of little dictators trying to run your life.
LifeWorldTryingRunLittleYour
Did you hear the one about the elderly Jew on his deathbed who sent for a priest, after declaring to his astonished relatives that 'I want to convert.' Asked why he would become a Catholic, after living all his life as a Jew, he answered: 'Better one of them should die than one of us.'
LifeBetterDieYouWantLiving
I made it, Ma - Carnegie Hall. And I didn't have to practice.
PracticeMadeHallCarnegieMa
Let's face it: It's difficult enough to be funny without worrying about what is going to offend whom.
FunnyFaceEnoughDifficultWithout
If you stop and think about it, nearly all great humor is at the expense of someone or something.
GreatHumorThinkSomeoneYouStop
Performing is just standing up there and doing something. Performance takes on an edge to it. It has a more dramatic context.
PerformanceDoingEdgeMoreUp
If you keep yourself alive and current, funny is funny.
FunnyYourselfYouAliveKeep
Marriage is nature's way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.
NatureMarriageFightingStrangers
Copyright © 2024 QuotesDict Alan King quotes